I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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