You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
