So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
