just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I understand Curling. That high.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
