I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
