You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
