You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
