So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
pray to the hookup gods
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
