i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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