And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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