I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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