I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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