Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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