i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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