just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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