Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
