How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
me + whiskey = a bad person
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
