i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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