This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
