well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
