that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
