i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
