the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
