dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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