my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
this just has baby written all over it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
why does every cop we meet know your name?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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