just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
