Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
