Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you inspire me to be a worse person
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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