Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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