her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
