I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
