I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
