apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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