Well apparently he's into motor boating.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
