if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There are leaves in my underwear?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
