I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
