i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
