did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
