Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Farmville is her only friend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
