I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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