i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
