OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
