So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
