I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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