Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I deserve this hangover.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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