I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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