AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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