she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
