I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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