areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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