remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
