these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We named our party play list daddy issues
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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