:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
